|
Tiffany's · Epiphanies
Yes, They Really Do Exist!
 |
|
Sooo, I've been thinking a little bit about my Bible studies, and I came up with a brilliant plan to get lots and lots of goodness out of everything I read. I'm going to start on a journey through the New Testament, starting with 1 Peter. I will read each book through twice, and then post what revelation I got here, so I can remember it later down the road! Yay! The first post can be expected either tomorrow or on Monday. Yippee! Who knows what'll be next after that! Maybe 2 Peter! Who'da thunk, right? |
|
|
Every time I listen to St. Francis by Kristene Mueller, my heart just breaks for my little sister. There have been a few occasions where I've been moved completely to tears, kind of like now. I'm claiming freedom for her. I want it for her so bad. If I could give her just a taste of the freedom that I have in Christ, she would never be the same. How much more if she received it from Christ himself? I'm praying so hard that when she comes to visit me, she'll come to church with me, and God will show up and rock her. It breaks my heart every time I think about it. I saw two women walking through the quad of the memorial union yesterday kissing and holding hands, and I thought of Brittany, and it felt like someone ripped my heart out of my chest, threw it on the ground, and stomped on it. And it makes me think, if I'm incapable of feeling even a fraction of the emotions God feels, how much more does it hurt his heart to see the people of this nation, the homosexuals and bisexuals and all of his beautiful sons and daughters with their amazing gifts being perverted by the enemy: how much more does his heart break? I don't understand how he could handle it, because seeing it through my own eyes, with my own heart, it hurts so much! God, I claim freedom for all of the LGBT people out there. I claim freedom for them in the name of Jesus Christ. I bind the spirits of fear and deception in your name, Jesus. Only you have the power to free these people, God, and I know you will. I pray that you would begin to melt the ice of their hearts, God, and heal the hurts done them by the church in the name of religion. God, will you show them your love? Show them your love in a way that removes all doubt, all fear, all the lies, God. Abba, Father! You are so powerful! You are a God of immense, never-ending, never-changing love! There is true freedom, and it is found only in you! God! Jesus! I ask you to come down and sweep this nation, God! Sweep it with your healing power and your love, and cast out the darkness, God! St. Francis~ by Kristene Mueller
There is a love hidden inside your borders
Just waiting to be free, just waiting to be free
There is a hope hidden inside your borders
Just waiting to be realized, just waiting to be realized So keep hoping Saint Francis
You'll be a free man yet
You'll see the sun shine again over your city streets
Keep hoping Saint Francis
You'll be a free man yet
Though darkness covers your sleeping love, it won't last Those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength
Those who wait upon the Lord will not be put to shame So we wait
So we wait for the Son to shine
So we wait
So we wait for You to come Keep hoping Saint Francis You'll be a free man yet You'll see the sun shine again over your city streets
Current Mood: |
 Broken |
Current Music: |
St. Francis~Kristene Mueller | |
|
|
This time around, there's nothing telling me that I can't like him. He's not only a Christian, but a one in leadership, which tells me that it's more than a religion to him. This is at the top of my list of things I'm looking for in a guy. I feel like God has led me into a place where I can be in a relationship now, and still have it centered around God instead of naïve romantic ideals. On the whole, the timing feels right, at least in the sense that I get to let myself like him. This in and of itself is a weird concept for me, because ever since I broke up with Scott, I have essentially avoided liking men at all costs. If I began to, I promptly told myself to stop, because I had other things that required my attention; I didn't want the distraction, I wanted to focus on school, building friendships, and, most importantly, my relationship with God. But now I'm past that season in my life, and I'm to a place where it's not so much a distraction as an addition to my life. I am able to think about it rationally, and I've made the rational decision not to curb my emotions this time around. Whereas before, the only rational decision was to curb them in order to avoid being ruled by them, I am now able to allow myself to have feelings for him without letting them rule my life, as they've done in the past. It's still a learning experience, though, because I've never done this before. Almost from the get-go, God told me that I was to wait and guard my heart. Waiting, I can more or less do. While I find waiting frustrating and I often get impatient, I will still wait, because I know that I deserve to be pursued. It is not my job to make the first move; that's up to him and God. Guarding my heart, on the other hand, is an entirely new concept to me. I've always worn it on my sleeve. I love very easily, and the concept of allowing myself to like him without throwing myself into it whole-heartedly is a little confusing and contradictory to me. My mind doesn't quite comprehend the concept. On the other end, while I'm liking him but guarding my heart at the same time, I am also allowing myself to be a girl. Whether or not he chooses to pursue me, I'm going to continue to appreciate the things about him that draw me to him: His faith, the way he makes me laugh, how I can wear heels and still find myself looking up at him, the combination of his brown, curly hair and gorgeous blue eyes, the way his personality compliments mine, how much easier it is to follow him when we're dancing than others... I like him and am attracted to him for these reasons and more. It's difficult to find a balance between wanting a relationship and guarding my heart. I've been going back and forth between the two extremes lately like a pendulum, but I also find that with each swing, it becomes a little less extreme, and I feel myself settling, slowly but surely, into a happy medium.
Current Mood: |
 hopeful | |
|
|
Serious light has been shed on my current situation. LOTS of it. I'm feeling a lot better now. Yay!
Current Mood: |
 content | |
|
|
On December 13th, 2008 (the Saturday following final exams for nearly all Oregon colleges) at 3:00 p.m. we will gather a few blocks from the Lloyd Center Mall in a pre-determined location (yet to be decidded) and synchronize our watches down to the second. After organizing and going over the details one last time, we will covertly make our way inside the mall. At exactly 3:30 p.m., every person involved will strike their pose and hold completely still for a full five minutes, confusing every single bystander not in on the act. After the five minutes are up (3:35 p.m.), the freeze will be over and we will all fade back into the crowd. This is going to be absolutely epic, but only if you help to get the word out. Even if you won't be able to make it, PLEASE pass this along to any friends of yours that might be interested. We can't do this without you. If you're still hopelessly confused about this whole thing, just do a youtube search of the word "freeze," and it should become pretty clear. Sound like fun to anyone? |
|
|
I had a very disturbing dream last night... It freaked me out. I had a dream that I had been accused of abusing some of the kids that I occasionally babysit. And it felt so real! I woke up thinking that there had actually been court proceedings and whatnot, and wondering how this family who I had grown so close to could suddenly mistrust me so much! It was just weird. Leave it to say that I was infinitely relieved when I realized this morning that it was just a dream... Second (and on a much lighter note)... I got a picture of my daughter last night in my head, and it made me smile. She was in a pink princess/ballerina dress, and was smiling really really big for the camera. I remember thinking that I fully intend to take a picture like that when I have a her someday. I pray to God that I do at least a decent job of raising her to understand who she is: Royalty, Beautiful, a Princess, Lovely, Worthy of Romance...
She had my hair, and I'm assuming her father's eyes. They were blue, bright, beautiful. She was so precious, and I honestly can't wait to meet her someday.
Ironically, just an hour or two later, I was reading in the first chapter of Captivating, and it talks a little bit about the dreams in every little girl's heart, and they told some specific examples: a 5-year-old who had a dream that she was a queen, and told her mother she loved feeling the beauty she had possessed in that dream; a freckled 6-year-old who roamed an office building, smiling unabashedly as she sang a song about puppies and kittens. I got the image in my head again of my daughter, and how beautiful she will be.
Normally, I can't stand children over the age of two or three. I can deal with them, but I often find myself annoyed and/or at a loss as to how to entertain them. But seeing last night what a beautiful little princess my daughter will be... It refreshes my understanding of a child's heart. I thought about how I used to play dress-up, and my sisters and I would fight over who got to wear the prettiest dress. I remember wandering around after a family Christmas party in full ballerina regalia: the tights, the leotard, the slippers, and a knee-length, flowy, see-through skirt that I guess could be described as a tutu, but it was different... It was better. Just as everyone was leaving, they would comment on what a beautiful ballerina I made.
All this to say, I suppose, that I'm excited to be that little girl's mommy. I know it'll be years before I even get news that I'm going to meet her, but I'm excited nonetheless. Just like college, just like moving out on my own, just like my first job... It will be an adventure; and one I hope to embrace.
Current Mood: |
 dreaming | |
|
|
Josiah Daniel Hering!!! Ten fingers, ten toes, and one very happy, very proud Aunt Tiffany!!! 
This face has already earned him the nickname "Yoda." I don't know if it's something he'll ever manage to live down...
 |
|
|
Seriously, every time I come home, there's some sort of drama with me and Sylvia. To me, whatever sparks our feud never seems to be that big of a deal, but things always wind up escalating to where they don't need to go. I get really frustrated with the way she reacts to things. She takes offense really easily, which makes me feel like I constantly have to watch what I say and do around here (I'm not good at that...). Granted, I'm sure she gets really frustrated with the things I do, too, but mine is more silly little habits of mine that bug her, whereas the way she reacts to those pet peeves are what pisses me off. I'm not being defensive. It's her home, and she has every right to run it however she wants, but she can be so freaking passive aggressive at times! She uses notes in order to avoid confrontation, and that really makes me mad. I'm not a scary person, so is it that hard to just talk to me? Perhaps I'm taking offense on something stupid, too, but I'm just so sick of this happening whenever I come home! I really am grateful for everything they've done for me, you have no idea, but I'm on my own now, and lording that stuff over me isn't going to force me to be more grateful... It's just going to piss me off. I wanted to talk to her about this earlier today, but all I found was a note telling me to clean the bathroom. Kind of ironic, but it would take way too much time to explain why. I'm just sick of this. My life is completely devoid of drama except for when I'm here. I hate drama! I love that my life is drama-free at school, work, with friends, church, etc. I'm not a drama queen, so why do I keep getting sucked into this!?!
Current Mood: |
 frustrated | |
|
|
So I've finally started to make a list of all of the qualities I'm looking for in my future husband. I haven't done this since I was in 7th grade... Leave it to say my standards and values have changed... at least in what I find attractive. This is so much fun! Yay for lists! I'm currently at around 75 things. S
Current Mood: |
 twitterpainted |
Current Music: |
Everything~Michael Buble | |
|
|
Valentine's Day is stupid. This is really all I have to say. No joke. It's so commercialized. Speaking as a person who's actually gotten flowers and teddy bears and chocolates for valentine's day, this is what I suggest: Find another day to do it! For peet's sake! Let me tell you just how special it makes a girl feel when she's one of millions to get flowers on the same day (please note sarcasm). For a change, try surprising her just because. It's so much better that way. W00t! This is all I have to say about Valentine's Day. On the other hand, I certainly hope my step-sister gets proposed to tomorrow, because it's certainly about time :-P
Current Mood: |
 bored | |
|
|
Speechless Wonder I'm standing in awe of Your love for me Lifting me up on eagles' wings. Overwhelmed
By the beauty of your majesty
I'm in love with this love that makes me free. Anticipation
Breathing you in, my heart beats with yours.
Ready and yearning, I'm crying for more. Lingering Expectancy
I'm waiting for you to meet me here.
There's nothing more intimate than this dance,
Nothing as bewitching as this perfect romance. Dance with me
Envelope me in your ridiculous love
Twirl me, whirl me, hold me close. Restoration
Falling like rain from your holy lips
Sweeping me up into this divine kiss. Melody
Of this anthem of mine
Heaven and earth are here aligned.
You complete my love song
Before it rises to my lips.
Current Mood: |
 enthralled |
Current Music: |
Everything~Lifehouse | |
|
|
God is such a good God. I'm so grateful for His Grace, Love, and Mercy. He meets me where I am, and that's so amazing. His love is big enough to fill any gap, His grace big enough to cover any shame. I'm so thankful for this God, this Lover of mine. |
|
|
Okay, so it's been forever and a day since I've posted (AKA a month). It's partially due to the fact that I gave up internet distractions for 3 weeks at the beginning of January, but I'll admit that the 2 weeks since that's ended and I haven't posted.... well, it's been flat out laziness... or business... or whatever. Who knows? Anywhos, quick update on the ongoings of the life of Miss Tiffany Hartmann: ~Classes are at a "so far so good" stage. My first two midterms are on Monday. One will be easy studying (health...), and the other will be preparation more than studying (English... you know how it goes....) So yeah. The schedule is a bit crazier than last term, but I'm handling it well, and taking time off of internet distractions helped me transition more smoothly by helping me manage my time better. There's really only one class I can't stand, and it's WR 121. I'll deal, though. I always do :-P ~I've officially decided to change my major to a German International Degree in Human Development and Family Sciences. It's a double major and therefore like 30 more credits. 5th year senior, here I come!!!! ~I've decided to go to LifeSchool next year. It will be good. Now I just have to tell my dad.... :-S ~Work is going really well. Stephanie, the Student Parent Advocate, and whose office shares our office space, has offered me an internship for when I get back from LifeSchool, as well as suggested starting it now by doing a split/double internship with her and the OLA. We talked to my boss, Patricia, and she was up for it, so now that's happening. It's pretty rad! I get to learn a little more about administration in a social services environment, which will work well with my degree. ~I finally figured out how to combine my passions into a ministry, which is another of my passions. When I graduate, or maybe after I spend a couple of years in Germany, or maybe I'll do it in Germany (God only knows....), I want to start a home for young mothers. Teenage to mid-twenties will by my target age group. It'll be a place where the women can know they are princesses and find a place of rest, where maybe they didn't have that restful of an environment before, and the kids will know that they don't have to grow up so fast. They'll also know that, while their Dad on earth may not be around, they have a Heavenly Daddy that loves them even more. We'll also have practical services, like Day Care, Career Counseling, Budgeting, Cooking, and Sewing Classes, among other things. I've been a total dork the past couple of weeks, making lists, drawing floor plans, journaling about what this means to me, dreaming... I'm excited for this. ~I've started babysitting for the pastor that runs Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship, the ministry I'm involved in down here. The kids are adorable, though they can definitely be difficult at times. One has been diagnosed with ADD,the other Autism, and the youngest is just plain stubborn. I'm excited, though, to get to know these amazing little people. Rich and Monica, too, have been a blessing in and of themselves. I went over to their place for dinner last night, and it was such an amazing time of getting to know the two of them. I told them the readers' digest version of my testimony, and a little bit about my background, as well as my dreams. They were so sweet. They told me a little bit about themselves as well, and we talked a little about Chi Alpha (turns out we have the same thing in mind as far as change goes.... the Worship needs a boost!), and how they'd like me to get a little more involved because they see really strong leadership qualities in me and a very real passion for God. They told me that me being there, even just showing up on Thursdays, did something. I really needed to hear that, because I'd felt for a really long time that I wasn't really accepted and plugged in there. It was awesome knowing that it still did something. I guess they implied that I was a catalyst of sorts, which is cool to see myself that way, and know that while I may not feel myself igniting, the match that I'm becoming really is already burning. Woot! God has been blessing me so greatly these past few weeks, especially this last one. It's been pretty amazing to see all of these puzzle pieces finally fall into place, and I'm in awe of how everything dating back to my dad being a business-owner has been leading up to this, and going beyond that. I've been reflecting a lot on where I've come from and where He's brought me, been bringing me. I've been learning a lot, and I'm eager to continue to learn and grow. |
|
|
Okay... I really really love being pseudo single. The uncomplicated life that comes with a lack of drama is really wonderful. To not have to constantly over-think everything a guy says is really really nice, and I love having people ask me what's going on with my life, and all I really have to say is "School." (And maybe brag a little about my GPA.) However, I will also admit that I miss the butterflies terribly. When you realize that it's more than just a friendship... when you get that first kiss. The butterflies! Having that someone just give you a hug and you feel all warm and tingly inside... It's just such a nice feeling, and I miss it. I really look forward to having it again someday, and this time with the right guy. Yay!
Current Mood: |
 nostalgic | |
|
|
So pretty much the most hilarious thing that's happened to me in a really long time: I was at work and Dad asked me to go to Pacific Pride (the only "You Pump It" Gas station in Oregon, lol) and get four or five gallons of diesel for a car that was given the wrong kind of fuel. Anyway, I get to the gas station and there's a fire truck parked there. I'll admit that I internally smiled because firemen are, well, firemen (I love a man in uniform ::wink:: ::wink::) So I get my little red gas can and I walk over to the card swipey thingy so I can commence the beauty that is the Pacific Pride ritual, but unbeknownst to myself, the firemen had literally just gotten there and were going to do the swipey thingy when I just walked right up. Anyway, I'm pressing buttons and whatnot when this absolutely GORGEOUS firefighter walks up and says in this really playfully ostentatious tone of voice and with a barely hidden grin, "Excuse me, ma'am, but I think we were here first." He was really tall (Probably around 6'2" or so) and really muscular, (I think he intentionally got his uniform just a little too small, cause oh my, he had nice pecs) and had this gorgeously feathered brown hair that looked messy while at the same time not so messy... I should've gotten a better look at his eyes, lol... Anyway, I realized what I had done and turned around saying, also with a smile, "Oh my gosh I'm so sorry! I'll be really quick." And he just smiled and shrugged it off. So I went and I started to twist the cap off the gas can, but I was having some trouble getting it loose, and then I accidentally unscrewed the wrong part, and so pretty fireman comes up behind me and says, "If you'd like, I can do that. I've got some gloves." By then I had everything under control, and laughingly told him, "No thanks, I got it." So then I started pumping the diesel fuel into the gas can, and the same guy (he didn't seem to be one who was easily put off) says, slightly concerned, "You know that's diesel fuel, right?" to which I replied, slightly amused (and yes, I'll admit it, blushing), "Yes, I do...." and as if this justifies the reasons, "I'm a mechanic's daughter." While that's not the reason I knew that green pump=diesel fuel, I easily could've told him the differences between diesel and gasoline if I had felt so inclined. This really only shut him up for a couple of minutes, until he came up with a new tactic (obviously I was independent enough to handle filling a gas can on my own, lol) So he said, "Wow, you must think, 'These firemen are real jerks, first saying I'm rude for cutting them at the gas pump, and then saying I don't know what kind of fuel I'm pumping into my gas can.'" I just laughed and smiled at him. By this time, my gas can was full, so I started putting things back together with the gas can and the fuel pump, and as I was walking away, he just smiled this big cheesy smile and said, "See you later!" I wanted to say something like, "What makes you so sure?" But I just smiled and said, "Bye!" and walked away with a huge grin on my face. It made me smile really big. It's one thing to be hit on, but when it's by a guy that obviously has a healthy self-esteem (or maybe even too healthy), it's even better. Sure, he was probably a good ten years older than I am, but I was definitely smiling about this for a good half hour, and amused by it for the rest of the day. Stories like that are just fun, and a good boost in a slow day. Yay for firefighters!
Current Mood: |
amused | |
|
|
Love is a choice. It's a choice that should not be forced, but it's a choice. It's a choice to make a conscious effort to spend time when you could be doing other things and to continue to love when you don't feel like it. Love isn't just the warm fuzzies and butterflies. It's a choice. All of that is in my head, but I'm having issues getting it to my heart. It's windy outside.
Current Mood: |
thoughtful | |
|
|
German- A Theater Arts- A Shakespeare- B+ All the rest were P/NP, and we all know that you'd have to be an idiot to get an NP My GPA is 3.79... I know it probably won't be that high by the end of the year, but I'm proud of myself nonetheless. It lets me know that I'm capable of doing this after all. |
|
|
I told him today that I love him... For the first time I told him that I love him in the way that he's been wanting me to for months. And he's been waiting patiently the entire time. The weeks and months were I wasn't even willing to make time for him for more than a 15 minutes every day; all the times I looked at other guys, other relationships, longing for it, but was too blind to see that I already have it... How easy it is for me to forget all the times I've walked to class and he's been there holding my hand, or with his arm around me, whispering in my ear over and over just how much he loves me. How silly of me to overlook the beauty of every night when he holds me as I drift off to sleep, even when I don't feel like feeling him there.
So this is what it feels like to truly be in love. To have your heart jump a mile into your throat when you hear his voice. To get the butterflies, or the tightening in your chest so that you can't breath (but in a good way) whenever he puts his arm around you. This is what it feels like to truly be in love!
What's amazing is that I know it only gets better from here. From here on out, I get to fall more in love with him, and learn more about what that means and feels like.
And maybe this isn't true love yet. Maybe it's just infatuation. Either way, I don't care, cause it still gets better from here. It may be the silly school girl love that I professed today... But I guess in his eyes, we're all just silly school girls: Princesses waiting for Prince charming to come so we can fall in love at first sight and he'll sweep us off our feet and carry us off to a castle where we'll live happily ever after.
Maybe right now is just the part where we see each other for the first time. Or maybe he's swooping down and I'm clasping my arms around his neck, bracing myself for the ground to fall from beneath me. Maybe I'm already in the air.
No matter which, I couldn't care less. He keeps telling me how beautiful I am, and how much he loves me, and I'm content wherever I'm at right now, no matter where that may truly be. |
|
|
For finals to be done so I can go home. I really only want to get my last final out of the way so that I can go home! I wish I could go now. I hate finals. I hate studying! I dislike packing, but that's already taken care of, cause I'm really really ready to go home already! I miss my bed :'-( |
|
|
I think someone likes me..... I don't need this.... Actually, I flat out don't want to deal with it. There.... Open and honest. |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
twiffles's journal